This is Walter

I was getting Walter ready for school today and this is how it went.  First, he was giggly and refused to turn over on his bed.
"Come on, Walt, turn over."
"I'm not Walter, I'm a kitty."
"Come on, Kitty, turn over."
"I'm Moki."
"Come on, Moki, turn over."
"Meow!"
"Let's get your underwear on."
"It's not underwear, it's pants."
"Ok, let's get your pants on."
"Your pants are gorgeous."
"I'm not gorgeous, I'm awesome."
"You're Awesome Man!"
"NO!  I'm just awesome!"
"You are.  You are just awesome.  Now socks."
"Shirt first!"
We wrassle around and wind up getting the shirt on - with tag on in front or back - it doesn't matter anymore.
"Now socks."
"Start over."
ARGG.

Playing Chess With Walter

Walter asked if I would play chess with him, and then promptly set up the board.  I hadn't yet sat down to play when he announced that he had already captured some of my pieces.  Oh!  I thought, I better get to the table.

I joined the game, already in progress, and he let me have the first turn.  I moved and he informed me that that wasn't an appropriate move and moved my piece one square back.  (For those of you who are unaware, my son Walter is 3, and he does not know how to play chess.  -Thought I would take this opportunity to share that little tidbit.)  Fine, I thought, I don't mind being in this spot on the board.  It was, after all, still a proper move for a pawn, and I thought I should stick to proper moves as he doesn't know all of them - or any of them, as the case may be - yet.  Then, for his turn, he picks up his "horse" and swoops across the board to take one of my pieces.  Huh?  I explain to him how a "horse" moves, and he listened.  Then he said, "Nope, nopity nope."  And just like that, I lost a horse.

It was my aim to continue to play fair, but very soon I discovered that that was an enormous waste of my time, so I started randomly taking his pieces.  (There was shockingly little pleasure in it, I have to say, but whatever.  I was losing FAST.)  Although, Walter wasn't going to let me take just any piece, and simply "recaptured" his queen and placed her on the board.  On my side of the board.  It was futile.  I took one of his pieces, and then in one turn he might take two of mine.  I informed him that he can't take two pieces at one time.  He acted like he couldn't hear me.

Then, with gall,  he boldly counted all of his pieces and compared that number to my 4 pawns on the board.  (Yes, I was forced to continue to play even though my king had been captured long ago.  Hell, for all I know, I might have started the game with the king captured...)  And he would say, "Look at all the pieces I captured!  I can't believe it!" 

Yeah.  Me neither.