My Morning

Well, here's a story that I am a little embarrassed about, but what is blogging for if not to post the good, the bad, and the ugly? It's the story of my morning.

All was well - but hurried - this morning, as I fed the boys and got Henry ready for school. Today would be a special day as it is the last of the summer and Henry's school would be going to an indoor playground, and I would be one of the chaperones. We hustled and of course, left the house late. I would not deny myself a coffee (which in my defense, I needed badly, and all who would be with me today would want me to have), so we zoomed over to the local coffeehouse, zoomed in, zoomed out, and alas, as you may now be guessing, began to zoom to school.

Yes, of course, I was safe. But, I tend to drive a bit speedily (with the emphasis on "speed"). Although, this might be a good time for me to add that the speed limits really are a bit low. I was heading out of town toward the school (on a 4 lane road) when all of a sudden I see the lights of a police car flip on - he was in the far lane going in the opposite direction and I totally missed him as he was hidden by cars on all sides!! BUMMER. But that isn't what I said. Instead I let out an expletive. Then another one realizing that I'd just sworn in front of Henry. And then, wanting to be a good influence, I told him not to repeat Mama.

So, within seconds the cop makes a u-turn (which strikes me as somewhat excessive really – it’s not like I was driving erratically while shooting at cars behind me). I stop. I am late, now later than before. He comes to the window, all the while Henry reminds me that the bus is going to leave the school and suggests that we go. I’m in total agreement, but think better of fleeing the police. I encourage Henry to let me do the talking, and say a silent prayer that he doesn’t take this opportunity to repeat the words I shouted a minute before.

The police yabbers something at me, then informs me that I was driving 47 in a 30 mph zone. Now, to be perfectly fair, I deserve every ticket I get (for all the times I zip right along without being pulled over) – I don’t dispute this – but everyone drives 47 in this zone, and they’re all going slowly now simply because they can see this poor schmuck of a woman being ticketed. I know this maneuver, I've engaged in it plenty of times myself.

“Yes,” I report. “I was speeding. I am so sorry.” What else can I say? I apologize primarily to appeal to the authority. I am not above this, and I do it whenever I can. It usually bodes well for me.

“Where are you going?” He asks.
Typically, I hate this question. Today I don’t care.

“We’re late, we need to catch a bus to go to an indoor playground.”

I feel ridiculous. “Sorry, Officer, this is an emergency, our bus is waiting for us so that we can go play!”

“Do you have proof of insurance?”

(This is where the story gets particularly embarrassing for me…)

My brain explodes in expletives. I have never, ever driven without proof of insurance and yet at that time I am convinced that for certain I will not find proof of insurance. I am pretty sure that he’s not going to care that I would never, ever drive uninsured and that at the beginning of every month the payment is deducted from my bank account. Yep, he’s definitely not going to care. He suggests I look for it as he goes to his patrol car with my driver’s license.

Expletive, expletive, expletive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (All in my head - popping like fireworks.) Nope, not only can I not find proof of insurance, but the last proof that I have in the car expired in 2009. WHAT??? This simply cannot be. How is this possible? My mind goes to all the times Henry “drives the car” and rifles through my things. EXPLETIVE!

I envision having to go to the police station. I have no clue what happens to those who don’t have proof of insurance, but I figure it can’t be good. (I think this is probably a good time to point out that the reason I don’t know this is because I have always had proof of insurance in the past.) I don’t think I can appeal myself out of this one. I feel terrible for Henry.

The police person returns and I stupidly hand him what I do have which are my car tab receipts and one proof of insurance card that expired in 2009. I really want to vanish into thin air.

There is no question that the gods are smiling upon me as he hands me my ticket, informing me of my court date (if I opt not to pay – AS IF!), tells me that he cut me a break by writing that I was only going 40 instead of 47, then asks me if he can have the expired proof of insurance card to check on my current status. He asks me if I need it. Well – clearly I did need it, but I sort of laugh thinking, no, what I need is a current card… I tell him he can have it. Then, I do something I think is reprehensible, really, as I say,

“Do I have to wait while you do that?” -Because, you might recall, I am in a hurry… (Of course, I ask this thinking to myself, he probably wonders if I’m going to peel out of here now.) He says no.

I am SO lucky. (Course, I still don’t know yet how much my ticket is.)

Then, we’re on the bus. We didn’t miss it. I am about 4 seats back from my little boy who is on his very first bus ride, sitting three in a seat with his buddies. I watch him, feeling a little sad, a little disappointed in myself, and extremely grateful. We’re driving – it’s a bit of a long ride – when all of a sudden I see Henny stand up and start walking down the aisle. My Mama instincts spring to attention and I get ready to enclose my child in my arms and cuddle him on my lap (which I think I really need right now) when he abruptly turns to Miss Jamie, his teacher, who picks him up and puts him on her lap, where he sits for the duration of the trip.

Oh. Okay.

I look away and think about what I’ve done.