Epilogue to My Morning
Well, this morning has been less eventful than yesterday's. I called my insurance company who immediately emailed me proof of insurance, and checked on the amount of my ticket, which is $120. Less than I expected.
I want to post an update on my bus ride yesterday. I struggled with Henry going to his teacher, it was the strangest feeling for me - and difficult to explain. I was so sure in my knowledge that Henry was coming to see me that when he turned, without hesitation (because this was his intention all the while) it was as if my brainwaves got interrupted. There seemed to be this sense of total confusion and yet I had no thoughts at all, just this weird blankness, if that makes any sense.
I thought about getting his attention, and I'm really glad that I chose not to because I think it was a moment of growth and observation for me. This is probably the way it is when I'm not here, and while initially I was awestruck that he wouldn't come directly to Mom for comfort, I am really pleased that he gets it from someone when I'm not around, that he found someone to give it to him, and also seeks it out so readily. While sometimes I feel the edges of a panic attack coming on as I think about it, I am glad that Henry is a strong, self sufficient, and independent kid - and that, gasp, he doesn't always need me.
I had to do a lot of work on that bus yesterday (yesterday morning was a lot more draining on me than I ever imagined!), but I felt much better in the end. I was proud that I didn't try to control or intervene, and instead just watched things unfold. (Okay, I did finally ask Miss Jamie if he was ok, but it turned out he was just falling asleep.) I don't stop and observe enough. Had I stepped in (where I realize now I wasn't needed), I might have changed the scenario and what would that prove? One thought I have about that is that I might have guilted Henry into doing something that he hadn't planned on doing. Or maybe not, maybe it's not that big of a deal, but neither was what happened naturally.
What was really cool about it too was that later, Hen occasionally peeked at me from over the seat and smiled, reminding me that I hadn't been forgotten. He also sat on my lap on the way home. But it would've been okay if he hadn't.
I want to post an update on my bus ride yesterday. I struggled with Henry going to his teacher, it was the strangest feeling for me - and difficult to explain. I was so sure in my knowledge that Henry was coming to see me that when he turned, without hesitation (because this was his intention all the while) it was as if my brainwaves got interrupted. There seemed to be this sense of total confusion and yet I had no thoughts at all, just this weird blankness, if that makes any sense.
I thought about getting his attention, and I'm really glad that I chose not to because I think it was a moment of growth and observation for me. This is probably the way it is when I'm not here, and while initially I was awestruck that he wouldn't come directly to Mom for comfort, I am really pleased that he gets it from someone when I'm not around, that he found someone to give it to him, and also seeks it out so readily. While sometimes I feel the edges of a panic attack coming on as I think about it, I am glad that Henry is a strong, self sufficient, and independent kid - and that, gasp, he doesn't always need me.
I had to do a lot of work on that bus yesterday (yesterday morning was a lot more draining on me than I ever imagined!), but I felt much better in the end. I was proud that I didn't try to control or intervene, and instead just watched things unfold. (Okay, I did finally ask Miss Jamie if he was ok, but it turned out he was just falling asleep.) I don't stop and observe enough. Had I stepped in (where I realize now I wasn't needed), I might have changed the scenario and what would that prove? One thought I have about that is that I might have guilted Henry into doing something that he hadn't planned on doing. Or maybe not, maybe it's not that big of a deal, but neither was what happened naturally.
What was really cool about it too was that later, Hen occasionally peeked at me from over the seat and smiled, reminding me that I hadn't been forgotten. He also sat on my lap on the way home. But it would've been okay if he hadn't.
posted by Kevin and Stace @ 10:38 AM
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