They are funny 'cause they're just like us.

Posted by Kevin.....

Monkeys...God love 'em.

Henry and Walter have been to the zoo a bunch of times in the past two months. Henry really enjoys the monkeys (the primates, not the inexplicably popular 1960's made for TV "Rock and Roll" performance group of the same name. )

Actually, apes are much more like us and sometimes I feel like I'm visiting "Ape Prison" when I go to the zoo.

"Whatcha in for?" I'll say.

"I busted up some guy's luggage." A chimp might say. "Then I stole a car. The orangutan turned me in! That sanctimonious jerk!"

But we can laugh at the monkeys (Again, the popular 1960's made for TV "Rock and Roll" performance group not withstanding.)

However, recently I had taken advantage of our oldest son's simian fascination and warned him that if he misbehaved, I would send him to "Michigan to live with the black monkeys".

(Editor's note: While on vacation in Michigan Henry and I were lucky enough to see a few black squirrels near our cabin. Having only the gray and red (or el Diablo) squirrels in Minnesota, black squirrels were frequently misidentified by his zooilogically impaired Daddy.)

Naturally, this "threat" was seen as a "reward" and I had to convince him that living here with Daddy and Mama and Baby Walter was significantly (or even slightly) preferable to living with a bunch of fun loving monkeys. (No, this would not be fun.)

I put this to the test when, while washing dishes (for this story, please lets assume I was washing dishes...) I heard the back screen door slam closed. Henry had taken advantage of a rare moment when the door was unlocked and spirited (or actually stepped tentatively) out into the fenced in backyard. This was an egregious violation of the highest order and had to be dealt with quite harshly I'm sad to say.

I immediately ran out the door and admonished him for going outside without Mommy or Daddy! "There are monkeys out here!" I said. "They will carry you away." A very harsh thing to say, agreed, but it was the first thing I could think of that would connect with him. He looked around the trees and said, "Black monkeys? Outside?" "Yep", I said. "Do you want to look for them with me?" I said.

Walter was napping inside and I carried our 21/2 year old around the backyard looking for the monkeys. I kept repeating, "Never go outside without Mommy or Daddy". Henry did not seem to grasp the graveness of his actions.

So I crossed a line that no parent should ever cross.

I held Henry up over my head and yelled, "Black monkeys, come get my son! Here he is. He want's to be one of you!" Henry laughed, then said "No please. Don't take me to the monkeys."

I let him down and told him I would NEVER give him away and hugged him tight. "PLEASE don't go outside EVER AGAIN without me, okay?"

"Daddy, I'm talking about you, outside. OKAY?"

I think he got the message.