Saying No
posted by Stace
I wanted to be a parent who redirects, distracts, compromises - not the one who says "no" all the time. I knew that redirecting, distracting and compromising took time and energy. I also knew that compromising certainly isn't something one can do all of the time, and isn't something I can do with him at all yet. But what I didn't really think about is how easily "no, no, no, No, NO" pops out. And how often it pops out. And how critical it is to utter so often. Like when Henry is playing with an electrical cord or the cat food, or changes the radio station to country (which ok, I have stopped fighting that battle and embracing the twang), or when he sticks his hand in the vcr, or when he yanks all of the books off of the bookshelf (I have given up on that too) or when he spits food or grabs my glasses... (Oh and the remote!! It's a miracle if I can watch a program for 5 minutes without the channel switching to another we haven't purchased -what is it he wishes to view, I wonder - or some other program - and I have given up that battle as well - although he will let me have the remote briefly...) What I also didn't take into account is how often I have to pull my butt up to appropriately address the situation - IT'S EXHAUSTING - and I am not a lazy person.
So, I feel like all I say is no. And because I think this is unhelpful and irritating and not the parent I wanted to be, I am forcing myself to get up - again and again and again - to move the child away from the heater/cord/vcr/dvd/my face and glasses/radio or speakers/cat food and simply redirect. He has started going rigid and yowling for approximately 3 seconds, during and after which time I tickle and giggle with and play with my son as I inform him that I am truly sorry, but he can have nothing and always and forever have no fun ever and ever and ever and ever. Sorry. Too bad. Life sometimes sucks.
He finds this hysterical and seems to be adjusting quite well.
I wanted to be a parent who redirects, distracts, compromises - not the one who says "no" all the time. I knew that redirecting, distracting and compromising took time and energy. I also knew that compromising certainly isn't something one can do all of the time, and isn't something I can do with him at all yet. But what I didn't really think about is how easily "no, no, no, No, NO" pops out. And how often it pops out. And how critical it is to utter so often. Like when Henry is playing with an electrical cord or the cat food, or changes the radio station to country (which ok, I have stopped fighting that battle and embracing the twang), or when he sticks his hand in the vcr, or when he yanks all of the books off of the bookshelf (I have given up on that too) or when he spits food or grabs my glasses... (Oh and the remote!! It's a miracle if I can watch a program for 5 minutes without the channel switching to another we haven't purchased -what is it he wishes to view, I wonder - or some other program - and I have given up that battle as well - although he will let me have the remote briefly...) What I also didn't take into account is how often I have to pull my butt up to appropriately address the situation - IT'S EXHAUSTING - and I am not a lazy person.
So, I feel like all I say is no. And because I think this is unhelpful and irritating and not the parent I wanted to be, I am forcing myself to get up - again and again and again - to move the child away from the heater/cord/vcr/dvd/my face and glasses/radio or speakers/cat food and simply redirect. He has started going rigid and yowling for approximately 3 seconds, during and after which time I tickle and giggle with and play with my son as I inform him that I am truly sorry, but he can have nothing and always and forever have no fun ever and ever and ever and ever. Sorry. Too bad. Life sometimes sucks.
He finds this hysterical and seems to be adjusting quite well.
posted by Kevin and Stace @ 10:54 AM
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