Stayin' Alive

Written by Stace - dedicated to Jane, who is wonderful, good, and yes, practical. And to Amie, who swore that in fact, she would be happy to pull the plug.


"Be nice to me," I say to my new husband shortly after returning home from Ohio following our wedding, "I am making you my beneficiary."

I was completing HR work for my new job, and it was inspiring me to talk about future planning (which quite frankly, doesn't take much - as Kevin is always complaining that I am always planning for the future and not living in the here and now).

It is morning, we are drinking coffee at the kitchen table. "Do you want to be buried in Ohio?" He asks me.
"I don't want to be buried at all, honey. Sprinkle me in the back yard or something."
"Well," he says, looking slightly put out, "what if I move?"
Clearly, I haven't thought this through. I guess I neglected to realize that if I died his life would go on. Humph. Why would he leave our wonderful home, I wonder.
"Okay, go ahead and send me to Ohio. You could sprinkle me in the rose gardens in Clintonville, I guess. That would be nice."

He thinks for a minute, then tells me how he would like his ahes to be on the Peaks of Otter in Virginia.
"We're going to be apart?" I question. Geez, we just got married and already we're spending eternity apart. Then Kevin launches into how he could fly over Peaks of Otter and throw my ashes out the airplane window. I hate flying. None of this is sounding very good to me anymore. I protest.

He comes up with a brilliant plan of combining ashes and having someone make 2 dumps - one in Ohio, and one on Peaks of Otter. Oh, and we will have to pour in Emma's ashes too, 'cause she can't be left alone. It's beginning to sound a lot better, albeit complicated. We sit quietly and drink our coffee. I am thinking. The conversation takes another turn.

"I don't think I can make you my power of attorney, honey." I say.
"What? Why not?" Kevin says, putting down the paper he is reading.
"Well Kev, you're going to want to keep me alive. I need someone who can do the job - if it comes to that."
"Can't I at least ask the doctor for your pancreas so that I have something to remember you by?"

I shake my head, we need to get a lawyer. "This is what I am talking about. Maybe Amie... no, not Amie, she will be too distraught. Jane. I need Jane to do it."
Kevin vehemently puts his paper down and stands up, "Jane?! Jane's a plugpuller!!"
My mind is made up immediately. Clearly, I made the right choice. "Exactly. She won't get bogged down with sentiment. Jane is smart, pragmatic, and practical. She won't allow you to keep me nourished by a tube."

Kevin looks deflated. Quickly, he looks strong and as he walks past me on his way out of the room he says, "I'm going to have you kept alive by robots."