We Took A Tree Down Today!

Today Kevin thought he would do some pruning. And then he thought he would take down a 25' tall tree. And then he started bugging me to come out and help. And then he noted that this was a "big project". And this is how it went:

I jammed my swollen foot into a tennis shoe begrudgingly, knowing that this would take the better half of the day. Stepping out our back door I saw what looked to be the beginning of a rather sophisticated ropes course, including carabiners and everything. What didn't quite fit the ropes course scenario were the strewn tools all over the lawn - here a saw, there the long handled clippers, way over there a stepladder. And Kevin in the midst of it all suitably attired with giant plastic goggles and ear protection - running a chainsaw. A chainsaw? Where did he get the -- oh well.

So, he pointed me in the direction of a coiled climbing rope, suggested I wrap it around me and "give a tug". We discuss this plan for a few minutes as I would like to be clear about what he thinks the outcome is going to be, and where exactly is it that we want this tree to land?

Now, did I mention that the tree is inbetween 2 sets of power lines that come together at a telephone pole about 15 feet from the tree in question. Kevin's plan sounds like a good one: he wants to pull this tree, that he has cut to the extent that he plans to, and what it's going to do is jump off of it's "pedestal" (which I would have called it's "stump") - not forward, toward me ( the puller) but "behind" the "pedestal". At which point the top of the "pedestal" will allow the tree a teetering point and the tree may gently be pulled in the desired direction - toward me. Did I mention that I am supposed to "run the other direction" upon pulling it? - Over our decorative rocks, over our hail pocked yard, all with a swollen ankle.

My husband is insane, and the job that I thought would take up the better half of the day was about to get bigger, so I bit my tongue (oh yes, I really did.) It is at this point I decide to mention the little tree that is directly between the doomed tree and myself. "So, um, what about that little tree?" I ask. He wanted to keep that one. But the debate continued. The little tree between us must come down too - so it sacrifices itself.

Much later, I am finally ready to give "the tug" that is going to make our tree do the little dance that it is supposed to, and then once that is done, come crashing down upon me. I give a tug. Nothing. I really lean into it at this point thinking, "let's get it to at least sway". Nothing. I think a few leaves rippled in the breeze.

"Honey," I say, "this tree isn't going anywhere. I think you need to cut it more." He is out of gas for the chainsaw. He goes at it for a lengthy span of time with the hand saw. Sweating, after much work, he is ready - it is cut through.

I tug. Nothing.

He says it's just sitting on it's "pedestal". Now, I was done with this project about an hour ago - at least - and am just ready to get this thing down. I suggest that Kevin get the sledgehammer and just whack it right off it's "pedestel". Which he does, quite successfully, batting away the rotten parts of the "pedestal" and *plop* goes the trunk on the backside of the trunk just as Kevin wanted.

Yea!!!! We are so happy.

We look up. Branches and limbs are entangled in - oh, look - power lines! I am secretly saying a prayer that the wire that is really taut under the weight of a big branch is the cable wire and -- dear god -- not the phone! Now what? Out comes the extension ladder. I won't even go on to say what happens next except to say that finally Kevin, my adoring husband, says to me in a fit of exasperation, "I don't know why you won't let me take the chainsaw up there," - to reach the branches that were, oh, about 22 feet off the ground - 6 feet above the height of our extension ladder... To which I point out that in fact, I never said he couldn't and the fact that he even says that proves to me that it is a highly dangerous and totally moronic move. He smiles. More proof.

"Here's a thought, " I say, "how about taking this opportunity to go buy a saw on a pole?" About this time Kevin and I are both ready for a break, thankfully, and *poof* out of nowhere shows up our dear landscaping friend, Ken, who provides Kevin with --- a saw on a pole. I am summoned to the back yard about an hour later.

After trimming several more branches away from the power lines, he shouts"I'm ready," from the back door. I jam my swollen foot back in the tennis shoe and trudge to the back of our backyard where the climbing rope is awaiting me. It looks suspiciously like a snare lying on the ground... I enter it. Kevin starts telling me what we are going to do and how. As he gets into position I "give a little tug". The whole tree topples down effortlessly, powerlines intact.

He yells, "Okay, now, on 3."

I drop the rope and go back inside.